It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
