I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
