Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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