i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We need to rekindle our bromance
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
