Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
