using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
