so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
