How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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