She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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