Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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