I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
A+ Viking dick
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
