would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
