just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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