fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
