I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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