Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's shark week go big or go home
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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