..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I need to calm my uterus...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize