Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
