i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
