after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
