woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i think i just lost a toe
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
