this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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