Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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