I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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