I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
