Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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