rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semen is not good for contacts.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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