Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
