I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
