I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
