I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
