every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
