if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
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Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
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I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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