Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
