i would punch a child for taco bell
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
