I wannas sexs uuuuu
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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