Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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