if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
