the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
