TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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