there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.