I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dating After Heartbreak
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.