Texts From Last Night

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  (817): View more from Texas

  You're completely useless in the revolution.

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  (817): You're completely useless in the revolution. http://tfl.nu/br33
  Replies (7) Good night (1261) Bad night (701)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.

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  (703): The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe. http://tfl.nu/6izf
  Replies (17) Good night (4337) Bad night (1094)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.

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  (330): I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies. http://tfl.nu/hccw
  Replies (9) Good night (1141) Bad night (3523)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.

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  (865): I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only. http://tfl.nu/wjh3
  Replies (7) Good night (2828) Bad night (1066)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.

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  (440): She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat. http://tfl.nu/5t46
  Replies (4) Good night (1666) Bad night (990)
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  (559): View more from California

  We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.

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  (559): We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child. http://tfl.nu/mund
  Replies (4) Good night (2187) Bad night (833)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?

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  (757): Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes? http://tfl.nu/b8rs
  Replies (40) Good night (1063) Bad night (2341)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.

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  (850): The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc. http://tfl.nu/3vm7
  Replies (4) Good night (1866) Bad night (485)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.

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  (814): The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain. http://tfl.nu/8v87
  Replies (1) Good night (1124) Bad night (475)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.

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  (515): She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers. http://tfl.nu/t1ua
  Replies (8) Good night (987) Bad night (638)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.

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  (954): You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one. http://tfl.nu/l0kb
  Replies (4) Good night (424) Bad night (845)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.

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  (423): My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more. http://tfl.nu/baeq
  Replies (2) Good night (538) Bad night (380)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.

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  (218): I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount. http://tfl.nu/edpp
  Replies (2) Good night (686) Bad night (378)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.

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  (267): took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious. http://tfl.nu/w436
  Replies (0) Good night (396) Bad night (180)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.

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  (720): So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine. http://tfl.nu/j3bj
  Replies (2) Good night (284) Bad night (665)

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