Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.