I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
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we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
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Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt