Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here

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(807): View more from Ontario

Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this

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(661): View more from California

She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro

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(208): View more from Idaho

I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(250): View more from British Columbia

Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...

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(212): View more from New York

1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.

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(906): View more from Michigan

I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed

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(410): View more from Maryland

Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.

(440): View more from Ohio

Ok. That just sounds baller.

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