haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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