I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
