A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
