I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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