Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
