My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
