You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
