Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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