True but thats because hes a fetus.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
