What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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