I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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