i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
