Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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