you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
