Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
