Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
