true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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