So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
