I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
