508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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