He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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