Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
