Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.