Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Bring me that man meat
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
