i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
