Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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